Bereavement Books for Young Children
Knowing how to tackle the topic of death and bereavement with children will never be an easy path to walk. Whether hypothetically, because they’re asking questions, or whether out of necessity, because they are in the sad position of dealing with the loss of someone close to them – or a pet – it is a difficult topic to discuss and can often open more questions than it answers.
My journey with it started during coronavirus, when children of all ages and circumstances found themselves exposed to the concept of death, regardless of whether or not it was something they were experiencing first hand. Whilst in the early stages I could attempt to protect my daughter from the brutal reality of the pandemic with a simple “A lot of people have coughs darling, so we’re staying at home for a while until they’re all better” line, as time went on there was no avoiding it and I found she would be discussing “coronavirus” with me at every opportunity. Before long I’d catch her playing out stories with her toys where something would die. Fast forward further, and she developed an imaginary friend called Scarlet, who came to live with us because her mummy and daddy had both died.
So whilst she was very fortunately not in a position where the real death of someone close to her had occurred, the recurring theme of death in her play showed that it was certainly a topic that was very much on her mind. I felt it was essential that I answered as many questions for her as I could so that she understood what it meant, how it happens, to ‘normalise’ the topic as far as was possible so she felt comfortable discussing it – and importantly so that as and when she inevitably has to deal with the death of a loved one first hand, regardless of how far in the future that is, she is as prepared as possible.
Other children are not so fortunate, and at a young age have already had the heartbreaking reality of dealing with the loss of someone who is very close to them.
Regardless of your reason for discussing it, the same questions arise – how do you help them to understand what’s happening in an age appropriate way? How do you help them articulate and understand their feelings? How do you raise the topic without it feeling overwhelming?
With Tiegan, I decided to take the opportunity to read some stories to her to illustrate the concept of death in a way that might make it easy for her to understand, and to give her a route through which to talk about it. We have barely scratched the surface of the huge range of bereavement books for young children that are available, but of the ones we have read, we have some favourites to share with you. I’ll be honest that illustrations go a long way with me – the designer in me is a sucker for a beautiful page! I should also point out that these are books aimed at younger children – I’d say 3-7. I wouldn’t suggest these for children much older as, whilst the content is still relevant, the picture book format would perhaps seem a little young for them for them to engage fully.
So, in no particular order, here are our favourite bereavement books for young children:
The Memory Tree
A beautifully written and illustrated book, the storyline tackles the death of fox, the grief of the other animals, and also the happiness found in the legacy that fox has left and the preservation of his memory. Some books can be a little abstract, to the point that the underlying theme could easily be completely overlooked by readers, but this is much straighter to the point, whilst still being gentle. It doesn’t use the words death, or died; it describes fox growing old and tired, settling himself in his happy place and going off to sleep forever (I’m not a huge fan of the sleep analogy in general as I think it can be confusing!) but Tiegan immediately realised “Does this mean fox has died mummy?” – to which I obviously answered yes. The story then gets straight into addressing how the other animals in the forest respond in their grief, and how fox’s memory is treasured. Whilst it’s a sad story it’s very uplifting too and Tiegan has wanted us to read it time and time again. Regardless of a child’s interest, awareness or experience of death this is a wonderful story for gently introducing or exploring this very important topic and I’d highly recommended for every bookshelf.
The Paper Dolls
by Julia Donaldson, illustrated by Rebecca Cobb
I’m sure almost every parent would agree that you can’t go wrong with anything written by Julia Donaldson – and this is no exception. The Paper Dolls is a beautifully illustrated story about the strength of connection between ourselves and others and the fact that, even when apart, that bond cannot ever really be broken. It also introduces the concept of the circle of life and generational legacy.
If all the World Were…
by Joseph Coelho and Allison Colpoys
This stunning book will bring a tear to the driest of eyes. I wish I’d read it through first without Tiegan as I couldn’t stop my voice cracking on the last page! Describing the special bond between a little girl and her Grandad, we learn that through the power of our memories, those special to us will always be with us in everything that we do, and whenever we need them.
Grandad’s Island
I absolutely love the illustrations in Benji Davies’ books; we have a couple of his others which we have really enjoyed (The Storm Whale and Grandma Bird). This is a lovely book which is poignant in two ways; firstly, like many of the others, reminding us that those we love will always be with us. Secondly, by introducing the concept of heaven (but non-religious), giving reassurance that our loved one is safe and happy.
Why do things die?
by Christine Pym for Usborne
This Usborne book is slightly different. Rather than a story it’s a non-fiction book answering questions about death from many different topic angles. It starts by explaining the concept of life and why all living things have to die, and continues through themes such as talking about death, what happens when someone dies, the feelings of grief, and ways to treasure happy memories. It’s a lift-the-flap format and uses animals throughout the examples, with lots of beautiful, friendly illustrations. By enabling children to choose the topics that interest them, it also guides adults to know what areas they might need to focus on further.
We plan to keep reading more books across this topic so this article will be a work in progress! For now, however, the above beautiful books are certainly excellent places to start.
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