Writing and delivering a eulogy is a deeply personal and meaningful way to honour the life of a loved one. It can feel like a daunting task, especially when emotions are high, but with thoughtful preparation, you can create a heartfelt tribute that celebrates the person who has died and provides comfort to those in attendance. Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you write and deliver a eulogy or tribute that is both meaningful and memorable.
The Difference Between a Eulogy and a Tribute
A eulogy and a tribute are both ways to honour a loved one at a funeral, but they serve slightly different purposes. A eulogy is a formal speech, typically by a close friend or family member, that reflects on the person’s life, character, and impact – often in the format of an account of a person’s life story.
A tribute, on the other hand, is generally less formal and often more about feelings than facts. A funeral may have one fuller tribute given by a single person, or multiple shorter ones given by several different people, each focusing on a particular relationship, time or aspect of someone’s life. They may take different formats – from a speech or a shared memory to a poem or even a letter read aloud.
Whether you need to write a eulogy or a tribute, the goal is the same—to honour and remember the person in a meaningful way.
Before you begin…
Many venues that funerals are held in, particularly crematoriums, operate very strict time limits on how long a service can last. Before you begin writing, check with the organiser, funeral director or celebrant/officiant whether there is a limit on the duration you can speak for. With that information you can plan and prioritise your content from the outset.
Gathering Your Thoughts and Memories
Your eulogy or tribute should celebrate the life of the person who has died, reflecting their values and the impact they had on others. It provides an opportunity to share personal stories and highlight their character. The goal is not perfection but sincerity—your words should reflect the person’s essence and the love they shared with others.
Before you begin writing, take some time to reflect on the person’s life. Consider:
- Their personality and character traits
- Special memories and meaningful experiences
- Their passions, hobbies, and achievements
- The relationships they cherished (family, friends, colleagues)
Structuring a Eulogy or Tribute
Structuring and planning your eulogy or tribute makes it easier to deliver and follow and will ease your nerves on the day when emotions are already so high.
Maya Angelou once said ‘I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.’. This is especially true when writing a eulogy or tribute. First and foremost, talking in a way that resonates with those listening, connects you all, and does true justice to the uniqueness of your person, is far more important than the nitty gritty of what results they got in their GCSEs!
- Start by introducing yourself and your relationship with the person who has died.
Then move onto the main body of your delivery. Consider including:
- An overview of their life, including key milestones and achievements.
- Highlights of their values, personality, and the qualities that made them special.
- Personal anecdotes—stories that capture their spirit, kindness, or wisdom. Don’t be afraid to use humour if it feels appropriate.
- Favourite quotes or philosophies that reflect their outlook on life.
- It’s ok to acknowledge their faults. None of us are perfect and those we love, we love in spite of, or even because of, the quirks and foibles that make them uniquely them.
- What did they love – what, or who, or where made them truly happy?
Finally, end with a conclusion
- Summarise their legacy—what they taught others, how they made people feel, and what will be remembered most about them.
- If it feels right, end with a meaningful farewell, such as a quote, a short poem, or a final goodbye.
Write with Authenticity and Emotion
Your words don’t need to be formal or poetic—they just need to come from the heart. Speak as you would naturally, using language that feels genuine to you. It’s okay to mix humour with emotion; a lighthearted moment can bring warmth and a sense of connection to the audience.
Practice Your Delivery
Once your eulogy or tribute is written, practice reading it aloud multiple times. This will:
- Help you become familiar with the flow of your words.
- Allow you to identify any parts that need revision.
- Build your confidence for the actual delivery.
Consider practicing in front of a close friend or family member who can provide feedback. If you become emotional while reading, take a deep breath, pause, and continue at your own pace.
Delivering the Eulogy or Tribute with Confidence
Speaking at a funeral can feel overwhelming, and remember that no-one at all will judge your delivery. It’s ok to be vulnerable to acknowledge the difficulty of the moment. If you can, here are some tips to help everything run smoothly.
- Speak slowly and clearly to ensure everyone can understand you and allow the audience to absorb your words.
- Make eye contact with the audience when possible—it helps create a connection.
- No matter how well rehearsed you are, bring a printed copy in case you need to refer to it or if emotions take over.
- Remember – it’s ok to be emotional. You don’t have to deliver this with a stiff upper lip and the audience will understand the difficulty of what you’re doing and will support you. Take your time and take a moment to gather yourself if you need.
Alternatives If You Feel Unable to Speak
If you feel unable to deliver the speech yourself, either before you start, or part way through, it’s completely okay to ask someone else to read it on your behalf. You can also record a video or write a letter to be included in the Order of Service as a written tribute.
Final Thoughts
A eulogy or tribute is a gift to the memory of your loved one and to those gathered in mourning. By sharing heartfelt words, you help celebrate their life, bring comfort to others, and ensure their legacy lives on. No matter how nervous or emotional you feel, your sincerity will shine through, making your tribute truly special.
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